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Friday, March 24, 2017

Changing Rainbow - (day 4) The voice of selfsabotage

The goals:

1. Getting to a weight of 69 kg by the end of these 100 days


2. Achieving a daily structure that involves: relaxation, work, study, and exercise


 

I told you that I would be honest with you.
That this journey that you get to share along with me was going to be the uncensored version.
Let's talk a little bit about self-sabotage.
One thing that can happen when you are trying to make a change is that you sabotage yourself.
It is Mr. Fear speaking again. (your ego)
Mr. Fear likes things that are comfortable and he shall do anything he can to make sure that you stay right in the comfy spot. He's a star at going around the rules a little, just subtle enough to make sure that you don't notice.
I had one simple point of action for my first goal. 


Replace soda with water.


Well, how do you think it's going? 


In my changes I make it a thing to observe myself. Mr Fear was like: "Alrighty, no soda missy. But how about you go out into the sun with a friend and you have yourself a little wine? Oh, come on. One glass shall not hurt."
Fair enough, it is no soda. But it is just as bad. I have not touched my Coca Cola this week. Even when my boyfriend placed a bottle right in front of me on the table.
And throughout the day I have been drinking coffee. It seems pretty obvious I am going to need to do the following: I am going to take it a step further for the next week ahead. I will make this deal with myself:


1.  Max of 2 coffee a day. 
2. 2 glasses of wine are allowed on a weekend day or a free day. Once a week. 

I have not yet included any food changes in my daily diet, since the plan is to build this change in steps.
But one more scheme Mr Fear pulled on me so far is tricking me into thinking I am doing a good job and therefor I deserve a reward that isn't necessarily helpful such as the wine.
I have had salad for lunch and diner twice these few days, because I like salads a lot with the sunny weather. Mr fear patted me on the back and said: "Great job, now don't you think you deserve...?"

And that is pure self-sabotage explained and all. But this is all about getting to know Mr. Fear a whole lot better and knowing when he schemes.
Self observation y'all! 


I also made my schedule and luckily I have somebody that I need to report to to tell them how everything goes.
I am actually proud to say that I achieved half of what I wanted to do yesterday. Which is not all that bad, considering the fact I lost a couple of hours over an adventure I didn't know I was going on.
My navigation system send me completely in the wrong direction from where I had to be.
I ended up in this gorgeous little town an hour out of the right direction.
Today is going a lot better. I am still very used to do my things with a: whenever I want - attitude because it has been possible so far.
I think sticking to my schedule is going to provide that much needed structure however.
And that is what I'm aiming for.








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